And so it goes, gentlemen.
For the final time...
Old Glory rises by these hands.
- Suffice to say, it has been an honor. - Yeah.
It's gonna be okay, sir.
I... I just know that Maria's gonna pull through.
I'm just so sorry to leave both of you in this situation.
Principal-less just as the school year is picking up steam.
- But Maria needs me now. - Uh, Principal Welles?
I don't want to make light of the situation, but for my own knowledge...
And if you don't feel comfortable saying, feel free to decline...
- but do you know who will be replacing you? - Here come the buzzards.
Why don't you let the man grieve for his dying wife, huh? Give him that.
Superintendent Haas has yet to make a decision.
Quite frankly, I could give a damn whoever it is.
Just remember one thing, it's all about the students.
It's not about you two.
That's very wise.
I get it. Might take a little while for it to sink in with this one.
I hear you loud and clear. It's a Gamby promise.
- Go to hell. - Make me go to hell, Lee.
- Enough. - Enough.
- You enough. - Oh, fuck off.
- No, I will not. - Fuck off.
- You fuck yourself off. - Fuck you.
Just say the goddamn pledge!
- Fuck-head. - Shit fucker.
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America...
and to the Republic for which it stands...
one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
I'm going to turn around now, knuckleheads.
- That was a good pledge, sir. - It was a very good pledge, sir.
- Ungh! - Yeah!
Attention, attention, Mr. Gamby. Please report to the main lobby.
- Attention, attention, Mr. Gamby... - Stop it!
Move, move, move!
Ooh!
That was not smart. Get to my office. Out the fucking hall.
Come here. Get up.
Go!
What are y'all watching, a cage match? Get back to class, you savages!
Principal Welles's last day at school.
And this is the day you decide to throw down. It's not very respectful, if you ask me.
Makes me sick just looking at all three of you. Sick to my stomach.
You see that paddle over there?
That paddle belonged to my father when he was a principal.
Wanna throw punches in the hallway? I will pull that paddle down and it will swing.
- We were kidding around. - Josh, shut it.
- Matthew, what happened? - Oh, I can help.
He was being bullied. Didn't throw a single punch.
Ms. Snodgrass, I know that it's probably a very dramatic thing for a beautiful woman...
like yourself to witness such barbarianism, but allow me to conduct the investigation.
- Matthew, go ahead. - Josh is right.
We were just playing around and got carried away.
All right, stonewall me, man. I can't help you if you don't let me.
Neal. Mr. Gamby.
Excuse me, but obviously these two are pressuring Matthew into not saying anything.
- Take it from me, he's a good student. - Yeah, I understand.
I deal with them on a regular basis. You're a new teacher.
You're full of ideals. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
But you're a little out of your jurisdiction. We got a zero-tolerance policy...
when it comes to violence. Doesn't matter who started it.
Everyone gets punished.
Corey L., five days out-of-school suspension.
You pop me one more time, you son of a bitch, I will bounce you out of this school.
Get up and get out. I should slap you across your mouth.
You punch like a woman.
Potter, Josh Props, five days in-school suspension.
Potter, I don't want to see you in here again.
Josh Props, I know I'll see you again, so until next time. Mwah.
Get out of my face right now. You make me sick.
- Mr. Gamby? - Guess we took care of that, huh?
I can't believe you're gonna put that on Matthew's record.
- Rules are rules. - Well, if a rule is unfair...
then maybe it shouldn't be enforced.
That might be the way some vice principals operate, but not the way I do.
- But I have enjoyed this spirited debate. - Oh.
- That's it? - Unless you got anything else to add.
- I'm gonna check my e-mail. - See ya.
Hmm.
North Jackson High School.
You know what, I think you want the hospital.
What's happening, Dayshawn? What's the chatter amongst the other workers, huh?
- Who you all pulling for in the principal race? - Oh, you know, they pulling for you.
- But, um... - But "um" what?
I don't know if you well-liked enough, Mr. Gamby.
You know what I mean? I mean, people got to like your ass.
Look... Look at Lee Russell over there. He laughing it up with them teachers.
How come the teachers never invite you to eat lunch?
They do invite me to eat lunch. Invite me all the time.
I choose not to eat with them. They're just a bunch of elitist assholes.
I'd rather spend my time befriending the lower-class workers.
The guys like you and your crew, Harold in Maintenance.
Those teachers, they can come and go. When you guys call out sick...
how do the floors get clean? How do these children eat?
We call in sick, other guys pick up the slack. Ain't that difficult to move these trays.
Look, what you do is very important here, okay? When I become principal...
I'm gonna make sure you get the respect you're due.
You're gonna get us a raise?
It's not gonna be a raise.
I'm just gonna make sure that people don't look down upon you, like they do now.
- Didn't know anybody was looking down on me. - Not everyone. I'm not.
You know how students look at you, "I would never want to do that job."
- I'm gonna change that image. - If you could line up that raise...
No raise, Dayshawn, don't ask again.
You can get me that money, a brother could use it.
Jeremiah. Pants up.
- If you can get me some more of that money... - Jeremiah, pants up, grades up.
- Like I was saying... - Jeremiah!
This song is dedicated to Principal Welles.
You're a true hero.
Oh
It must have been cold there in my shadow
To never have sunlight on your face
But you were content to let me shine
That's your way
You always walked a step behind
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
No. No. No.
You're everything...
You two, I wanna know what's so damn funny in my office...
after the assembly. Do you hear me?
What is it? Is it her voice that's funny? Or maybe it's Ms. Welles dying.
You think that's funny. It's not funny.
It's a beautiful moment and you've ruined it. You ruined it.
Laugh one more time. Laugh again.
Put your hand down now.
Get it away from your mouth now.
It might have appeared to go unnoticed
Mr. Sepanik, please come to the front office.
Thank you.
What's so funny in here? You guys making jokes?
No having fun at work. Heh-heh.
Russell.
- Now, that's... - Fucking cocksucker.
Why, hello, Mr. Gamby.
You remember Donna from the school board.
Of course I do. Hello, Donna. It's good to see you.
I was just leaving.
- I'll see you tomorrow, Lee. - Call me later if you wanna have drinks.
You ambitious, little weasel.
Sitting here, kissing the school board's ass. That's pretty fucking pathetic.
- And I saw your little fucking sign. - What sign?
Don't motherfucking play games with me. Listen here, you.
Come tomorrow, there's a brand-new principal in town, and his name is Neal Gamby.
Those who want to be catty bitches, well, they can kiss their jobs goodbye.
- That is a Gamby promise. - You're so confident, aren't you, Gamby?
Too bad the school board's still undecided.
Pfft. They're not. They know exactly who's gonna be the principal.
Why is this job so important to you, Gamby?
Is it because you got absolutely dick-all else going on in your life?
- You wish you had my life. - A fucking divorced loser is what you are.
Look at you, just rock hard at the thought of all that power.
I know you like to think about my dick, but don't. Private property.
- Eat shit, Gamby! - No, thanks, but have fun imagining it though.
Tacks. Fucker.
Make one more fucking sign and see what happens.
Go, Janelle!
- Whoo! Yes! - There you go.
- Nice work, baby, nice work. - There you go. Right there.
She's gotta keep the heels down though.
Hello, Gale, Ray.
You're late. Janelle just had a really good run. You missed it.
I saw it when I was walking up. Worry about yourself.
Hey, Janelle! Good job, baby. Good job.
- Keep your heels down. - Keep your heels however you want.
Focus on yourself, not on negative people, telling you how to do things.
- So I got the principal job today. - Cool.
"Cool."
You can go ahead and admit it. My success enrages you.
- I actually don't care at all. - Don't care? Sure, you don't.
- Of course you care. - You're right, Neal.
I'm always thinking about you. You're right. I forgot it's all about you.
Well, it's not about me. My mentor's wife was diagnosed with melanoma.
- So how silly do you sound now? - Sorry to hear about that, Gamby.
That's awesome about the principal job. You've been working really hard.
- I knew good things would happen. Congrats. - Nobody asked you to chime in.
It's not even official yet, so don't run your mouth all over town.
- Being a little gossip, a little hen. - I'm just impressed.
Must be tough wrangling them kids. Don't know how you do it.
Of course you don't.
If I told you I stole a man's wife and family, you'd understand how to do that.
- Why don't you go sit somewhere else, Neal? - Nope.
Chilling with the older guy, definitely.
- Yeah? What high school do you go to? - I'm only 13.
- Hey, Dad. - Where'd your shirt go?
- I took it off. It was all sweaty. - Put it on.
- But, Dad, it's nasty. - Put it on.
- Okay, okay. - Put it on.
- Got it. - Get it. Put it on.
- Dad, I got it! - Get it... Get it on.
Move. Get out of here.
- Get it on. Push it on. - Stop! Don't.
- Gosh, Dad. I got it. - Look, I'm not trying to yell.
You've been spending lots of time with your mom, that's the example she sets.
But you can't go around being fast with the boys.
- That's not how a lady acts. - All right, Dad.
Got some good news.
You're looking at the brand-new principal of North Jackson High.
No way. So when I get to high school, I can do whatever I want...
- and never get in trouble? - Well, that's what you'd think, but no.
Because people expect that, I'll have to go in the opposite direction, be merciless.
- Janelle, come on. Let's go. - Fazoli's is gonna close.
Ray, I'm talking to my daughter, not yours.
- She's never gonna be your daughter. - Wrap it up, Neal.
Not married anymore. You can't tell me what to do.
My dad, a principal. It's pretty awesome.
It is pretty awesome. Come here.
- I love you. - I love you too, Daddy.
Come on, baby. My little girl.
- See you, Neal. - Fuck off, Ray.
- Whatever you want. - Cool.
Neal Gamby, this is Sterling Credit, a debt collector
Please return our call as quickly as possible. Thank you.
Mr. Gamby, this is Superintendent Haas.
Just wanted to inform you a decision has been made...
and we would love to sit down and talk with you first thing tomorrow morning.
Hope you're having a wonderful evening. God bless, now.
God, yes!
Yeah!
Fuck, yeah!
Damn, yes! Whoo!
Whoo!
Yes, this is Principal Neal Gamby.
Get your fat ass out of that chair.
Russell, do not try to ruin this moment for me.
First thing I'll do as principal is fire you. You'll lose everything.
Your house, car, couch, anything else you got on layaway.
The first thing I'm gonna do when I'm principal is not fire you...
but keep you on staff as my slave.
- Gonna take my dick, slap it across your face. - Shut up, you sassy-ass motherfucker.
Excuse me, Superintendent Haas is here.
Thank you, Mrs. Libby. Hello, Mr. Gamby.
- Mr. Haas. - Good to see you.
- Mr. Russell. - Good to see you, Jeremy.
- Sad news about Welles's wife. - So sad.
- Gotta use your sun protection. - You do.
My wife makes me use a strong SPF even if I plan on being inside.
- So smart. Your wife rules. - Yeah, she's good.
But we can't just dwell on the past.
We gotta think about the future. Talk about what's to come.
That's right. I'm sure we all know that Mr. Welles left some large shoes to fill.
- So big. - But I think we wound up with the right person.
Someone with a lot of experience.
Gotta have experience. Most important part.
And someone who's very likable.
- It's essential to be likable. - Indeed.
- That's why... - Knock, knock.
Ha-ha! Here she is. Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Dr. Belinda Brown...
the new principal at North Jackson.
I am so sorry that I'm late.
There's a car parked in the principal's space.
Dr. Brown was principal of several very high-achieving schools in Philadelphia.
Oh, look at you, being so nice.
And who's this sitting in my chair, keeping it warm for me like a gentleman?
Excuse me.
- My, this campus is just lovely. - Isn't it, though?
Now, North Jackson's not the newest school in the district.
But it is to me, hands down, the most charming.
Even more charming now that you're here, Dr. Brown.
Ha-ha! Why, thank you, Mr. Russell. Flattery will get you everywhere.
- I see a bright future for you here, darling. - Fuck you, Russell.
- Excuse me, Mr. Gamby? - Hmm?
- Just saying this is the hallway up here. - Feeling all right?
You look a little pale.
Oh, it must be me. I tend to have this effect on men.
- Leave them breathless. - Well, I know I can't breathe.
Faculty. Who here thinks that Belinda Brown needs to take her big butt back to Philadelphia?
- What's the issue? - She's gonna run this school into the ground.
- That's the issue. - She got her masters from Berkeley.
I bet she went to Berkeley. And I'm pretty affirmative how she got in.
Here's what I'm proposing. I'm gonna file a complaint with the board.
- A complaint? What's it gonna say? - They fucked up.
They chose the wrong person. They need to reconsider.
Maybe make me principal. But what I'm gonna need for this to work is you guys...
to sign this complaint with me, so they know we mean business.
No, I'm not putting my name on that.
- Not a chance. Not a chance. - "Not a chance. Not a chance."
Y'all never backed me. Don't know why I thought this time would be different.
Why don't you shut the fuck up?
Nobody here wants to listen to your misguided bullshit.
If it isn't the snake in the shadows. Buzz the fuck off.
- This has nothing to do with you. - Gamby, I think I speak for everyone here...
when I say you're a jerk-off.
And no one wants to sign your stupid letter.
- Stupid letter? - Yeah.
I'm getting sick and tired of that know-it-all mouth of yours.
Oh, well, then...
Make your move, motherfucker.
- Make your move, but you better have a gun. - I don't need a gun.
- Don't need a gun? - But if I did, I could get a better gun than you.
Come on!
- Bruce! Bruce! - All right, all right!
- Hey, hey! I said knock it off! Settle down! - Bruce! Bruce!
All right! Everybody settle down!
- Settle down! - No need to get violent.
- No violence. - He talked about bringing a gun to school.
Oh, you look so stupid right now.
I don't need any of y'all! I'll take care of this shit myself.
- Surprise! - Oh, shit!
- Neal! - Goddamn it, Ray!
You broke my computer!
- You don't like the surprise? - What are you doing here?
Janelle wanted to celebrate your big promotion, man.
- Why are you a part of this? - Bug here needed a ride, and Gale, she...
- She didn't want any part of it. - I should've known you were behind this.
I hate that you're about to see me like this, but I don't have the strength to fight you.
Damn it. Is this what you wanted?
I didn't get the job.
They gave it to somebody else.
- Oh, Neal, I hate that for you, man. - Why didn't they choose you?
When you're the person enforcing the laws...
you don't get to make a lot of friends. Not a lot of people like me.
People like you.
No, I know it's hard to believe, but they don't.
I expect a lot out of people, for whatever reason, it pushes them away.
God knows it did your mom.
Hey, Gale's...
- She got a shit-ton of respect for you, Neal. - I'm not trying to get back my ex-wife, Ray.
- And please stop calling me Neal. - Well...
- can't you get them to change their mind? - I tried.
I tried to rally the teachers, get them to support me.
But like I said, nobody likes me.
Who cares about the teachers? The students like you.
Don't they?
The students.
See? They like you, right?
No, they don't. You're completely wrong.
But it doesn't matter. Because they fear me.
And that's even better.
- My bad. - It is your bad.
Matthew Potter!
What's shaking?
Just waiting on the bus.
I'm your bus today. Get in.
So how's I.S.S. been treating you?
So far so good.
So far so good? Heh-heh.
You know what happens to smart kids like you in I.S.S.?
You get turned the fuck out. You know what "turned out" means?
No... No, sir.
It's when a straight dude rolls into prison and gets his ass fucked, then becomes a girl.
Well, that hasn't happened yet.
Yet? You've still got a few more days in there.
Plenty of time for that shit to go down. Big boys will come in...
push a boy like you down, stick a textbook in your mouth and go to fucking town.
- You want that to happen to you? - No.
Yeah, I didn't think so.
What would you say if I could get you out of I.S.S. today?
Get the whole thing wiped from your record?
You're good. You don't want that following you when it comes time to apply to college.
- I can set you free. Would you like that? - Well, yeah, but why?
Want you to organize a mass student walkout. Arrange all your classmates...
to get out of school at the same time and protest how you hate the new principal.
- Walkout? Like, leave school? - Yeah.
All-school walkout today.
Every motherfucking student in school at 2:03 p.m.
- Are we clear? - Yeah.
Boom. That's what I want to hear.
- Oh, Mr. Gamby, hey. - Hey.
- You feeding your fishes? - Sure am.
- What kind are they? Gold? - Yep.
I just wanted to drop by and give you a little bit of an update.
Matthew Potter's a good kid, and you're right. He doesn't deserve to have the book thrown...
at him, so I've immediately released him from I.S.S.
Wow. That's a big turnaround for you.
What happened to the "rules are rules" thing?
- Well, I never really said it like that, but... - Heh. You did.
Rule... No, I didn't, but rules are rules.
I still believe that.
But also fairness is fairness. You understand what I'm saying here.
Look, I... I know things have been crazy...
with the recent changes, I'm sure that's why you were popping off to me.
But I just wanted to let you know that...
you shouldn't give up hope just yet.
There's still some adults left here at North Jackson High.
Oh, that's... That's... That's good to hear.
Yeah.
You're strong. I like that.
The tides are turning, Ms. Snodgrass.
Good guys, they're about to win.
Look at Lee Russell. That little sassy cuss.
Fuck you. That bitch.
Don't matter. Let them have their fun.
Sounds like you up to something to me, Mr. Gamby.
Let's just say all will be revealed in due time.
The revolution will not be televised. Oh, no.
It's just gonna happen regular in front of everybody...
- at approximately 2:03 p.m. today. - What you mean?
- Like a school shooting? - No, not like a school shooting.
Don't be scaring these children. I'm talking about a non-violent, hearts-and-mind campaign.
- Okay. That sounds dope. - Pfft.
Oh, yeah. It's definitely gonna be dope.
Super dope.
- You're not gonna kill everybody, right? - I told you. I'm not gonna murder anybody.
- Oh, we're so happy to have you here! - Oh, thank you!
Not yet.
So I'm gonna need your help planning my first faculty meeting.
I want the opportunity to show myself, but also have some fun.
Oh, um...
Ah! Lightbulb! Ice cream social!
Let them know how sweet you are!
Oh, Russell, you don't quit, do you?
Mr. Gamby, what's your favorite ice cream?
Say who hey?
- Hmm? - What is your favorite ice cream?
I... I hate ice cream.
I'm lactose intolerant. Makes me do diarrhea in my pants.
Can you excuse me for one second please?
Did I hear ice cream?
Goddamn it.
Logarithmic functions.
I know that sounds complicated, but I'm gonna break it down for you.
And it's really not all that bad.
Okay, so if you have...
What the fuck is going on? It's 2:08 p.m.
- Where is my walkout? - I know. I tried.
"I tried, I tried."
Couldn't talk any of your friends into leaving school? Kids fucking hate school!
- Nobody would do it! I tried. - Get your shit. You're going back to I.S.S.
Our deal, it's done.
And I'm gonna find the biggest, nastiest buck I can to come in there...
and drill you right in your asshole! Damn it!
Look. Speak of the devil.
Are we done here?
Well, actually, I'd love to speak with you a moment.
- Have a seat. - Closed, right?
Yes, Lee. Thank you.
Mr. Gamby, it appears that someone has filed a complaint against me with the school board.
Hmm. That's interesting.
Is there anything you'd like to get off your chest, Mr. Gamby?
I mean, nothing really comes to mind.
Well, this complaint says, and I quote, "She's not very smart.
And if she's in charge, this school will suffer in a horrible way.
Dr. Brown only cares about herself.
She really thinks she's something."
- Pfft. - Now, who would write such a thing?
I don't know. I'm not sure.
- Does it say who wrote it? - Why, yes, it does.
Okay, fine. I'll admit it. I wrote the complaint against you.
Mr. Gamby, I've been doing this for some time now.
Whenever a new principal shows up at a school...
you can guarantee that people feel like they've been passed over...
and oftentimes, they resent the new principal.
I can live with people resenting me. That's fine.
But from now on, you're going to be very cooperative...
and very pleasant when dealing with me...
because if you're not cooperative, Mr. Gamby...
and if you're not pleasant...
I will drag your face all up and down the parking lot of this motherfucker.
Now, do we understand each other, Mr. Gamby?
Yes, Dr. Brown.
Wonderful!
Now, I would like for you to come in two hours earlier every morning.
I want you to jump in on the morning Driver's Ed program.
- That means I gotta be here at 5: 10 a.m. - Is that a problem, Mr. Gamby?
No, it's not a problem.
Well, if that's all, you're dismissed.
Have a blessed day.
You have a blessed day too.
Oh.
Thank you.
Leave it open.
- Say who? - Open.
- The door? - Leave it.
Thank you.
This motherfucker...
Belinda's got you by the balls.
Driver's Ed. Tough break.
Yeah, at least I'm not bending over and taking it up the ass with a smile like you are. Over.
You have no clue. While you've been throwing your little tantrums, filing your complaints...
I've been learning her weaknesses.
And when the time's right, I'm gonna stab that bitch in her big, fat back.
- I thought you loved Dr. Brown. - Please.
She doesn't deserve to sit behind that desk. That should've been me.
And if not me, then maybe you.
You need to flip your shit around. Me, then you.
Whatever, Gamby.
Just not her.
- Fuck her. - Fuck her.
Now, she's my enemy...
and she's your enemy...
and my enemy's enemy...
Is my friend.
Shall we align, friend?
Let's take that bitch down.